Wednesday, February 26, 2014


All people are equal, it’s said—
That’s a lie that fucks with your head,
Because, being frank,
We’ve always had rank,
And will till we’re equally dead. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

We Will All Go Together When We Go

We’ll all go together when we go,
But today there’s more options, we know:
Different horses we’ll ride
To the other side,
But we’ll all go together when we go.

Conquest won’t be our last feat,
‘Cause the heat’s something we cannot beat:
Not just temperature factors,
But busted reactors—
Our fate’s set in hard white concrete.

Famine’s the next thing we’ll greet
Without foods like wheat and red meat;
When there’s no more to carve
From each other, we’ll starve:
We can’t live without something to eat.

War gives a chance to mistreat
Each other with horror complete;
The future looks black,
And there’s no turning back,
Though we’re headed for certain defeat.

Death, from his Lehrer’s come to mow:
We’re already pale and laid low;
There’s more ways that I’ve missed,
But you’re getting the gist—
We’ll all go together when we go. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014



When our game’s in a hopeless bind
And we find out we’re too far behind—
That we’ve no more to bring,
And we can’t win this thing—
It’s time for becoming resigned.

When we’ve wrung out all we can wring,
There’s an action that no one should ding:
We make up our mind
That, with all things combined,
It’s time to tip over the king.


Doubling going sequential
Displays extinction potential,
Where multiple factors—
Like heat and reactors—
Also go exponential.

Make Chess, Not War

Chess is like war, it’s been said:
You fight until one of you’s dead,
But beating the king
Isn’t really my thing,
So I’m beating the bishop instead.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Salon de Doom

These days, the Salon de Doom
Is the net’s most cutting edge room,
Where we get so awake
That we can’t help but make
Boom-boom in our Fruit of the Loom. 

Friday, February 14, 2014

Details, Details

There’s two ways to use every threat
Of extinction to get less upset:
The first is to learn,
So you can discern
What’s important, and what not to sweat.

Learning is useful—you bet!
It can help you remember, and yet,
Getting lost in detail
Of the ways we will fail
Can also be used to forget.

H/T: Tom at NBL

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Marius the Giraffe

Racial Profiling

On account of its DNA,
A giraffe was killed; what can I say?
Bullshitting’s fine,
But the bottom line
Is they’ll all be dead soon anyway.

Better Off Dead

Perhaps it would fill you with rage
To live your whole life in a cage
Or at least, I would bet
That you’d not get upset
If you never reached an old age.


Caged life can’t be good for a calf,
Or actually, any giraffe;
So even a bier
Might be better than here—
I hope so, on his behalf.

You Know What’s Really Funny?

The zoo’s one of those foundations
To “help” DNA mutations;
What they don’t yet see
Is there’s not going to be
Any future generations.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Bob Dylan at the Super Bowl

My Superbowl Commercial, by Bob Dylan

My old values now are estranged,
So what’s real has been rearranged:
Got to Hollywood,
And I’m doing good—
I used to care, but things have changed.

Bob Dylan, Voice of a Generation

I thought that he meant what he said,
So I let him get into my head;
But it turns out his stance
Was just song and dance—
Oh well, pretty soon we’ll be dead.

Who Says We Won’t Get Fooled Again

It took me a long time, and then
I thought that I saw Dylan’s Zen,
But his clever words
Were just shined up turds;
I’m a fucking idiot again.


Again the world’s biggest rock star
Insincerely strums his guitar;
But if you believe,
You’re too fucking naive,
And you’ll own some piece of shit car.


The words in a Bob Dylan song
Might talk about what’s right and wrong,
But talking the talk
Isn’t walking the walk:
It was nothing but shtick all along.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

My Evacuation Plan

I’ve already planned in advance
What to do in a doom circumstance—
My very first chore:
Make the toilet before
I evacuate into my pants. 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Keystone XL

Looks like they’re going to say
It won’t make a difference, but hey,
The government’s view
Is actually true—
We’re totally fucked anyway.