Thursday, January 30, 2014

On Finding One’s Own Way

Seek not someone else to instruct
How you your life should conduct,
And if you opine
On how I should live mine,
I politely suggest you get fucked.

H/T: Apneaman 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Fuck ‘Em If They Can’t Take A Joke

Lately, I don’t even blink
When folks say we’re not over the brink;
Doom’s beyond our control,
So I’d say, on the whole,
It don’t mean fuck-all what they think. 

Friday, January 24, 2014


We’ve reached a new kind of frontier—
It’s one where we all disappear;
Because soon our whole race
Will leave hardly a trace,
As if we never were here.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Zen Monk and the Hot Dog Vendor

A monk decided to bring
An end to his suffering;
And so, in surrender,
He said to a vendor,
“Make me one with everything.”

Getting no change from a fin,
The monk told him, “Stealing’s a sin,”
But, playing the guide,
The vendor replied, 
“Change must come from within.”

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Mr. Natural Explains It All

Our terminal fall downhill
Provides one last chance to distill
Life’s meaning, although...
If we still don’t know,
We probably never will.

There must be some meaningful bit
To our role in life’s little skit,
Some purpose, although...
I remember now—d’oh:
Mr. Natural says, “Don’t mean shit!”

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

As If Preps Would Help

Myopic as some mental midget,
I stocked both essential and widget;
But when doom does hit,
My preps won’t mean shit—
I feel like a fucking idjit.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Holiday Break

"Removal of nuclear fuel at Fukushima plant resumes after holiday break"

Some jobs are relaxing, you see:
Solo pilot leaves cockpit to pee,
And a crew fighting fires
Routinely retires
To break for afternoon tea.

Offers of help, they rebuff,
So who knows, with this kind of stuff?
It’s already surreal:
Are they trying to conceal
Something new they managed to muff?

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Crazy Cult and the Polar Vortex

The cold weather provides no relief
So deniers are giving us grief,
But soon heat will result
In transforming our cult
Into a major belief.

Polar Vortex

Doomers find it a bummer
That deniers couldn’t be dumber:
“It’s so cold,” they say,
To which we say, “Hey,
Just wait until next summer!”

Monday, January 6, 2014


The dolphins that swim in the sea
Don’t work, and don’t have TV,
But they’re smart and live free,
So perhaps they could be
Much more enlightened than we.

They learned, as earth bourgeoisie,
How hard making a living can be,
So they voted to split
Saying “Fuck all this shit,”
And crawled right back into the sea.

Of course, I’m not all that thick
To think dolphins could do such a trick:
They can’t talk; instead,
We all know they said,
“Click click click click....”

Friday, January 3, 2014

Mah Fellow Americans

Someday we’ll have to discuss
The Australians’ temperature fuss:
Unlike folks who are stuck
In Bumwhogivesafuck,
They look a whole lot just like us!

Since warming’s a hoax, I don’t frown:
It’s hot, sure, where everyone’s brown;
But now, a new wonder:
It’s too hot Down Under,
Where people walk upside down.

It seems that they’d like to convey
Some thing about being saute;
You can’t understand
A fucking thing that they say!