Saturday, December 31, 2011

Kubler-Ross, Hope, and Human Extinction

“No matter the stage of illness or coping mechanisms used, all our patients maintained some form of hope until the last moment. Those patients who were told of their fatal diagnosis without a chance, without a sense of hope, reacted the worst and never quite reconciled themselves with the person who presented the news to them in this cruel manner. As far as our patients are concerned, all of them maintained some hope and it is well for us to remember this!”
  Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying, p. 264

Hope tells us we are so clever,
There’ll always be human endeavor;
But with doom, we must guide
To what it’s applied,
‘Cause our species won’t live forever.

Human hope has always been spun
Into all kinds of jobs to be done;
Due to limited roles
When choosing our goals,
Never dying cannot be one.

People will always have hope:
We evolved it in order to cope;
But now where it’s attached
Must be thoughtfully matched
And be of more limited scope.

Our drama stirred much to enthrall,
But most roles were surprisingly small;
When we’ve finished our page,
We’ll exit the stage:
We're really just mortals, after all.

With no immortality bases,
We might find hope in other places:
Much more Here and Now,
More I-and-Thou Tao,
And probably lots more embraces.

Hope urges us to repress
Thoughts which will cause us distress;
But in truth, I confess,
Making do with much less
Will be just one big fucking mess.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Serenity Pitch

Life’s fast becoming a bitch,
So I hope to learn what I can ditch:
Accept things I can’t change,
Those I can, rearrange,
And wisdom to know which is which.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Plan for the New Year: Popcorn and Beer

If events in the coming new year
Interfere with your current career,
And you see cracks appear
In the social veneer,
It’s time for popcorn and beer.

The frontier ahead is severe,
But before we all disappear
And doom comes so near
That we really feel fear,
It’s time for popcorn and beer.

It’s getting abundantly clear,
Times will become more austere;
So while things still cohere,
Let’s all be of good cheer:
It’s time for popcorn and beer.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Solstice Reflection

The solstice brings time for reflection,
Like, how there’ll be no course correction:
We’re headed for doom,
Via whimper or boom,
With no way to change our direction.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Kubler-Ross Denial

Enjoy the first stage while you can,
It’s a relaxing part of the plan;
‘Cause next comes Stage Two,
When the anger breaks through,
And then real shit hits the fan.

Monday, December 26, 2011

It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

It’s beginning to look a lot
Like Christmas is going to be hot;
If your human-type meat
Can’t throw off the heat,
You might move to a cooler spot.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas

So now the final time’s here
That ever we’ll share Christmas cheer;
On the other hand,
By popular demand,
We go through this every year.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Professional Advice

As your counselor, I’d like to say
What to watch out for today:
Alcohol’s bad,
And drugs are bad,
And doom's REALLY bad, m’kay?

Friday, December 23, 2011

Mental Fortitude

Your mind is more likely to plow
Through derision, and never kowtow,
And hold to your vision
With less indecision
If you’ve been crazy up until now.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Are Doomers Crazy?

When collapse ratchets up a few notches
And clobbers us square in the crotches,
Though I’m going down too,
The idea might come through:
Who’s crazy now, beeotches?

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Nuclear Meltdowns

Someday the whole grid will fail,
And there won’t be a way to derail
The meltdown heat
Which will leave no retreat
To continue the human tale.

For plants still in operation,
Unexpected electric cessation
Of short duration
Could cause activation
Of radioactive damnation.

Each abandoned reactor, no doubt,
Eventually will start to spout
Stuff which can spread
And make people dead
Once electric power runs out.

If people would just pay attention,
We could stop our wayward invention,
But not those threats forming,
Like global warming,
And others too many to mention.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

South Park

In our world, doom options are many,
But if you don’t care for any,
Life in South Park is cool,
‘Cause there, as a rule,
The only one killed is Kenny.

Monday, December 19, 2011

If Methane Goes Nuts

If methane really goes nuts,
It will be a quick kick in the guts;
Though we might not agree
On the time and degree,
It’s coming, no ifs, ands, or buts.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Why Kubler-Ross

It’s not very easy admitting
We’re walking dead, right where we’re sitting;
But this issue’s the crux,
And, while facing it sucks,
It makes Kubler-Ross very fitting.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Methane Doomsday Machine

Methane releases might mean
The end of the whole Holocene:
We’ll become obsolete
‘Cause we burned stuff for heat
And triggered a doomsday machine.

Friday, December 16, 2011

There Will Be Panic

"...when the world recognizes—widely recognizes—that there’s a problem, there’s going to be panic that takes place."
—Dr. Robert Hirsch, at 10:37 in the interview:

The response will be galvanic
When there’s nothing to eat that’s organic;
And it’s last standing man,
People are going to panic.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Global Warming Inconvenience

The idea is pretty succinct,
Though it’s based on a lot of things linked:
Consensus is forming
We can’t stop the warming
So humans are going extinct.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Holiday Shopping

There’s not too much money to shop,
So it’s likely that sales are a flop;
That’s what scant new implies,
Because otherwise
We’d be hearing about it nonstop. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Limericks Save the World

We might save the world writing limericks
Listing our choice of survival picks,
Or else simply lurk,
‘Cause nothing will work
Unless you know of some other tricks.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Global Warming Treaty

A compromise starts off the gag,
But the road map could hit a small snag;
Should the protocol drag,
The treaty will lag—
It’s practically in the bag.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A Nation of Homer Simpsons

"...we have truly become a nation full of Homer Simpsons."

What I’m doing at work isn’t clear,
But a crisis is nothing to fear:
If the plant starts to glow,
I simply say, “D’oh!”
And focus on donuts and beer.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Somebody to Blame

The poor say the rich are to blame,
The rich make the opposite claim;
If there’s need to deplore,
For those keeping score:
We all played a part in the game.

Friday, December 9, 2011


To better manage our fears
About aspects of doom as it nears,
It helps to steer clear
Of what won’t persevere
Or matter within a few years.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Global Warming Conference

Insisting on personal gain
Is why we’ll all swirl down the drain;
We're not worthy! No way!
Excellent! Way!
Party on, Garth. Party on, Wayne.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Comfortably Numb

Going out comfortably numb
Might beat feeling constantly glum;
Since resistance is futile,
It might be less brutal
A way to the world that’s to come.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Dear Europe: Urine Trouble

Lots of people are really pissed:
Europe’s cash problems still persist;
Wee tell them, “Urine debt”
(Not a piddling threat!)—
“Perhaps you should call a Eurologist.”

Monday, December 5, 2011

On the Awesome Power of Doomer Poetry to Save the World

“The pen’s mightier than the sword”—
A belief that’s been ofttimes explored;
But now, despite writing
(Which beats even fighting!),
We’re still going to our reward.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Why I'm Writing These Limericks

Some doggerel’s je ne sais quoi
Could go viral and wake the bourgeois:
Sneaking under defenses,
Unease it dispenses
Introduces a mind coup d’etat.

My goal’s not great poetry, nah,
But to wake the world from its blah-blah;
Then disaster gets waived,
And we are all saved.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Sixth Mass Extinction Event

Some people might circumvent
The worst, for some part of descent,
But our species can’t skirt
What none will avert:
The sixth mass extinction event.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Geologic Time

Our thoughts can get stressed, even twisted,
When geologic time is enlisted:
Our end’s almost here,
We’ll soon disappear,
Leaving no sign we ever existed.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Global Warming: Past the Tipping Point

The tipping point has been passed through,
There’s no way to stop what will ensue;
It’s baked into the cake,
And so it won’t make
Too much difference whatever we do.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Global Warming: Nothing Matters Anymore

Once people figure out the score,
Who knows what horror’s in store?
But which way we descend,
We will find the same end;
Nothing really matters anymore.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Long-term Survival Retreat

An elite retreat would be neat,
Where you won’t become obsolete
If you like the sensation
Of nuke radiation,
And tolerate really high heat.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Dow’s Up, All’s Right with the World

Mammon, our God, shall bestow
A status quo chock full of dough;
How do I know?
From the stock market show:
The Dow-Bible tells me so.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

How to Assess Predictions

Attention, doomer alert!
If you see an attempt to assert
Any future news
Which ignores collapse views:
It’s useless, and will only divert.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

It’s No Lie—Methane

It’s been running around in my brain,
Who knows? Maybe I’ll go insane;
Would you like to know why?
Cause it’s coming, no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

Bad news as we swirl down the drain:
Our thing will be gone, leaving pain;
Lethal methane is nigh,
Big supply, it’s no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

There’s no way that we can detain
Disaster, the experts explain;
Instead of a high,
We will die, it’s no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

Required for pre-Christmas runs:
A weapon that does more than stuns;
When you go shopping,
Duck if there's popping,
‘Cause next time they’re carrying guns.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

A doomer might seem a bit quirky
To come on with wishes so perky,
But be of good cheer
While the good times are here,
And enjoy your Thanksgiving turkey.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another Mars Rover

Hooray! We’re going to Mars,
If there’s methane, we’ll hand out cigars—
But discreetly ignore
What we should explore
Here on earth, not out in the stars.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Methane Is Bubbling

Here comes the methane: it’s troubling,
Your woes are, at minimum, doubling;
It will chomp on your brain,
And make you insane,
Bubbling, bubbling, bubbling....

Monday, November 21, 2011

Job Creators

They say they’re the job creators,
Worth much more than, let’s say, waiters;
If that is their claim,
Then they’re also to blame
Now, as the economy craters.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Acceptance, Not Resignation

A progress evaluation
Might reflect some good adaptation;
In making a link,
I’d much rather think
It’s acceptance, and not resignation.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Tale of the St. Matthew Deer

Listen my children, and hear
How their island became their bier,
Take a seat, lend an ear,
You might shed a tear
At the tale of the St. Matthew deer.

Overshoot, when it came near,
Made their privation severe;
Through conditions austere,
It made disappear
The whole herd of St. Matthew deer.

They never will reappear;
Even if they did persevere,
Some nuclear sear
Plus a Venus-like sphere
Means no more St. Matthew deer.

Doubter, hold back your sneer,
‘Cause we’re right at that same frontier,
And it’s all very clear:
There goes our career,
The way of the St. Matthew deer.

Friday, November 18, 2011

We’ve Triggered a Doomsday Machine

Breakdown in upkeep routine
From grid failure wasn’t foreseen;
We wont’t stop emission
From nuclear fission—
We’ve triggered a Doomsday Machine.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Keeping Plans Secret

In the battle to stand as last man,
It’s awkward to admit that your plan
Is designed to derive
What you need to survive
By stealing whatever you can.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Coping Mechanism

When I hit an emotional patch
For which I know I’m no match,
I make things abstract
To not overreact;
My solution is to detach.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Last Minute Plans

When doom hits, one place I won’t be
Is on a last-minute shopping spree,
With the fights and confusion—
I’ll be in seclusion,
Eating popcorn and watching TV.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Peak Psychological Adaptation

Our minds have a tribal foundation,
Evolved in that unique situation;
We could think of those days 
As a peak with the phrase
Peak Psychological Adaptation.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Oops! I’ve Forgotten the Third

When the end comes, so I have heard,
The instructions are three, word for word:
Bend over, get near;
Pucker up by your rear;
And...oops! I’ve forgotten the third.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Morals are consensus trance tools
For socialization schools,
But we’ll learn Jungle Law,
Red in tooth and in claw,
Doesn’t honor our ethical rules.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Understanding Global Warming

Understanding what is our lot—
Like how it will get way too hot—
Is, as Upton once said,
Hard to get through your head
When your salary depends on your not.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Hooray for Fracking

Hooray! Lets all go a-fracking,
Ignore the shaking and cracking;
Hooray for the drilling—
Who cares what we’re spilling?
Hooray for the lifestyle they’re backing.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Politicians Changing Positions

When somebody doesn’t leave clues
To explain an about-face in views,
Perhaps they were swayed
By someone who made
An offer they couldn’t refuse.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Extinction of Intelligent Life

Sixth Extinction means human demise,
‘Cause the earth will run out of supplies;
Although we will dissolve,
Something new might evolve—
Complex life might again yet arise.

If not here on earth, then extending
Our viewpoint, some life form’s ascending—
Some self-aware race
Somewhere out there in space—
If the cosmos is never-ending.

Surely some sentient wit
Will survive to avoid an obit;
The whole universe
Can’t become one big hearse—
If it does, oh well, then that’s it.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Buying in Bulk

Shopping here in your store,
Is mostly a tiresome chore;
Let’s maintain rapport:
Don’t ask what it’s for,
Or I might not come back anymore.

Don’t give any thought my style,
And when I check out, simply smile;
Since I found this big pile
In your product aisle,
I won’t be back for awhile.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Power Outages

Without the electric they’re screwed,
Enough to give them a tude;
Imagine their mood
When they run out of food—
It’s going to get ugly, dude.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Stressed Out

When prepping still leaves me in doubt,
I think, as a doomer devout:
Once poo on fan splatters,
Then nothing much matters
(No wonder I’m getting stressed out).

Friday, November 4, 2011

Cyber Retreat

When you find that you’re feeling downbeat
And you see no results but defeat,
And there’s no one to greet
In the people you meet,
Then welcome to Cyber Retreat.

When you’re watching resources deplete
In steps both large and petite,
And from global heat
We’ll become obsolete,
Come on by Cyber Retreat.

Of course, there’ll be nothing to eat,
And we’re only walking dead meat,
But pull up a seat,
The price can’t be beat—
You’re welcome at Cyber Retreat.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dylan on Doom

The times they are changing anew,
Shelter from the storm’s not in view;
Everything’s broken or rare,
And you’re going nowhere:
It’s all over now, baby blue.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Aging Doomer

Old age and doom woes kind of chime,
So it’s good if you’re well past your prime:
It’s energy efficient
So you’re more proficient
When you deal with both at the same time.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


The honest physician strives
To improve other people’s lives,
Yet noble devotion
Finds no healing potion
When the final appointment arrives.

So the healer in us tries to stall
The judgment that’s writ on the wall,
But we merely reshape
What we cannot escape:
The sentence awaiting us all.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Peak Population?

It's last dance for every civilian
At The Party's Over Cotillion;
While peak population
Awaits confirmation,
At least we reached seven billion.

Sunday, October 30, 2011


I’m thinking that I’ll never see
A poem as nice as a tree,
But looking ahead,
Pretty soon they’ll be dead—
Come to think of it, so will we.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Go to the Ant, Consider Her Ways

Go to the ant, consider her ways
(She’s a template for hard work cliches),
One misplaced large foot:
Tiny squish, she’s kaput;
No reward at the end of her days.

Both heaven and karma declare:
Just be good, and you’ll end your despair;
But without such disguise
From your own lying eyes
You can clearly see life isn’t fair.

So what, you may ask, is the reason
For this psychological lesion?
Most likely some widget
(Like opposable digit),
In this case, for social cohesion.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Climate Change

Climate change has evolved
To a problem your mind wants resolved;
Cognitive dissonance
Becomes less intense
By accepting it cannot be solved.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

If the World Were Ending Tomorrow

I’d call a few folks on the phone
To talk about old times we’ve known;
If our last day were here
There’d be nothing to fear,
So I’d say things I used to postpone.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Paradigm Shift

A paradigm shift’s underway
As optimism turns to dismay;
The past used to be worst,
Now the order’s reversed:
Tomorrow will be worse than today.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Hierarchy Is Here to Stay

Hierarchy is here to stay,
It’s evolved law we can't disobey;
If we want to egress
Somehow out of this mess
We must change things in some other way.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Peak Euro

The news from our Europe-based bureau
Is painted chiaroscuro;
Look away from the light
Where predictions are bright—
Voila! You can make out Peak Euro.

Sunday, October 23, 2011


When life becomes fully infernal,
It makes sense to close up the jounal;
Problem solved, but alas
(And this chaps my ass):
The way we’re built, hope springs eternal.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Why Read This?

We should be all filled up with gloom
Because of our problems which loom;
Since we’re thus ensnared,
We can get more prepared
By learning some more about doom.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


(Ecclesiastes 1:2; 3:1-2; 4:2-3; 9-11)

The suffering throughout humanity
Is meaningless, senseless insanity;
As the Preacher teaches
In useful speeches:
Vanity, all is vanity.

We try very hard to deny
That Nature’s laws always apply;
For each species’ season,
By faith or by reason,
There’s a time to be born — and to die.

A good way for guaranteeing
That misery’s not what you’re fleeing,
The old prophets forewarn,
Is to never be born
And avoid coming into being.

We race, but know not when we’ll fall
Or who’ll end up hitting a wall
We seldom are right
To claim second sight
For time and chance happen to all.

The Abyss

I knew there was something amiss,
So I looked into the abyss;
Looked full in the maw,
Didn’t like what I saw
And returned to avoidance bliss.

The truth of my limericks is this:
While it helps an old man reminisce,
It’s just being civil
With meaningless drivel
To help me avoid the abyss.

The abyss, where one must be sincere,
Is a place to stare through the veneer;
But the way it stared back,
So like an attack,
Was too much, so I came back to here.

I went back to see the abyss
Still hoping to find me some bliss;
Its stare had me beat,
I had to retreat
And write wretched drivel like this.