Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Global Warming: Nothing Matters Anymore

Once people figure out the score,
Who knows what horror’s in store?
But which way we descend,
We will find the same end;
Nothing really matters anymore.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Long-term Survival Retreat

An elite retreat would be neat,
Where you won’t become obsolete
If you like the sensation
Of nuke radiation,
And tolerate really high heat.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Dow’s Up, All’s Right with the World

Mammon, our God, shall bestow
A status quo chock full of dough;
How do I know?
From the stock market show:
The Dow-Bible tells me so.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

How to Assess Predictions

Attention, doomer alert!
If you see an attempt to assert
Any future news
Which ignores collapse views:
It’s useless, and will only divert.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

It’s No Lie—Methane

It’s been running around in my brain,
Who knows? Maybe I’ll go insane;
Would you like to know why?
Cause it’s coming, no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

Bad news as we swirl down the drain:
Our thing will be gone, leaving pain;
Lethal methane is nigh,
Big supply, it’s no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

There’s no way that we can detain
Disaster, the experts explain;
Instead of a high,
We will die, it’s no lie,
It’s no lie, it’s no lie—methane.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Black Friday

Required for pre-Christmas runs:
A weapon that does more than stuns;
When you go shopping,
Duck if there's popping,
‘Cause next time they’re carrying guns.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

A doomer might seem a bit quirky
To come on with wishes so perky,
But be of good cheer
While the good times are here,
And enjoy your Thanksgiving turkey.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Another Mars Rover

Hooray! We’re going to Mars,
If there’s methane, we’ll hand out cigars—
But discreetly ignore
What we should explore
Here on earth, not out in the stars.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Methane Is Bubbling

Here comes the methane: it’s troubling,
Your woes are, at minimum, doubling;
It will chomp on your brain,
And make you insane,
Bubbling, bubbling, bubbling....

Monday, November 21, 2011

Job Creators

They say they’re the job creators,
Worth much more than, let’s say, waiters;
If that is their claim,
Then they’re also to blame
Now, as the economy craters.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Acceptance, Not Resignation

A progress evaluation
Might reflect some good adaptation;
In making a link,
I’d much rather think
It’s acceptance, and not resignation.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Tale of the St. Matthew Deer

Listen my children, and hear
How their island became their bier,
Take a seat, lend an ear,
You might shed a tear
At the tale of the St. Matthew deer.

Overshoot, when it came near,
Made their privation severe;
Through conditions austere,
It made disappear
The whole herd of St. Matthew deer.

They never will reappear;
Even if they did persevere,
Some nuclear sear
Plus a Venus-like sphere
Means no more St. Matthew deer.

Doubter, hold back your sneer,
‘Cause we’re right at that same frontier,
And it’s all very clear:
There goes our career,
The way of the St. Matthew deer.

Friday, November 18, 2011

We’ve Triggered a Doomsday Machine

Breakdown in upkeep routine
From grid failure wasn’t foreseen;
We wont’t stop emission
From nuclear fission—
We’ve triggered a Doomsday Machine.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Keeping Plans Secret

In the battle to stand as last man,
It’s awkward to admit that your plan
Is designed to derive
What you need to survive
By stealing whatever you can.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Coping Mechanism

When I hit an emotional patch
For which I know I’m no match,
I make things abstract
To not overreact;
My solution is to detach.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Last Minute Plans

When doom hits, one place I won’t be
Is on a last-minute shopping spree,
With the fights and confusion—
I’ll be in seclusion,
Eating popcorn and watching TV.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Peak Psychological Adaptation

Our minds have a tribal foundation,
Evolved in that unique situation;
We could think of those days 
As a peak with the phrase
Peak Psychological Adaptation.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Oops! I’ve Forgotten the Third

When the end comes, so I have heard,
The instructions are three, word for word:
Bend over, get near;
Pucker up by your rear;
And...oops! I’ve forgotten the third.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


Morals are consensus trance tools
For socialization schools,
But we’ll learn Jungle Law,
Red in tooth and in claw,
Doesn’t honor our ethical rules.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Understanding Global Warming

Understanding what is our lot—
Like how it will get way too hot—
Is, as Upton once said,
Hard to get through your head
When your salary depends on your not.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Hooray for Fracking

Hooray! Lets all go a-fracking,
Ignore the shaking and cracking;
Hooray for the drilling—
Who cares what we’re spilling?
Hooray for the lifestyle they’re backing.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Politicians Changing Positions

When somebody doesn’t leave clues
To explain an about-face in views,
Perhaps they were swayed
By someone who made
An offer they couldn’t refuse.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Extinction of Intelligent Life

Sixth Extinction means human demise,
‘Cause the earth will run out of supplies;
Although we will dissolve,
Something new might evolve—
Complex life might again yet arise.

If not here on earth, then extending
Our viewpoint, some life form’s ascending—
Some self-aware race
Somewhere out there in space—
If the cosmos is never-ending.

Surely some sentient wit
Will survive to avoid an obit;
The whole universe
Can’t become one big hearse—
If it does, oh well, then that’s it.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Buying in Bulk

Shopping here in your store,
Is mostly a tiresome chore;
Let’s maintain rapport:
Don’t ask what it’s for,
Or I might not come back anymore.

Don’t give any thought my style,
And when I check out, simply smile;
Since I found this big pile
In your product aisle,
I won’t be back for awhile.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Power Outages

Without the electric they’re screwed,
Enough to give them a tude;
Imagine their mood
When they run out of food—
It’s going to get ugly, dude.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Stressed Out

When prepping still leaves me in doubt,
I think, as a doomer devout:
Once poo on fan splatters,
Then nothing much matters
(No wonder I’m getting stressed out).

Friday, November 4, 2011

Cyber Retreat

When you find that you’re feeling downbeat
And you see no results but defeat,
And there’s no one to greet
In the people you meet,
Then welcome to Cyber Retreat.

When you’re watching resources deplete
In steps both large and petite,
And from global heat
We’ll become obsolete,
Come on by Cyber Retreat.

Of course, there’ll be nothing to eat,
And we’re only walking dead meat,
But pull up a seat,
The price can’t be beat—
You’re welcome at Cyber Retreat.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Dylan on Doom

The times they are changing anew,
Shelter from the storm’s not in view;
Everything’s broken or rare,
And you’re going nowhere:
It’s all over now, baby blue.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Aging Doomer

Old age and doom woes kind of chime,
So it’s good if you’re well past your prime:
It’s energy efficient
So you’re more proficient
When you deal with both at the same time.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


The honest physician strives
To improve other people’s lives,
Yet noble devotion
Finds no healing potion
When the final appointment arrives.

So the healer in us tries to stall
The judgment that’s writ on the wall,
But we merely reshape
What we cannot escape:
The sentence awaiting us all.