The Rime of the Doomer Mariner

STAGE 1

IT is a Mariner of doom

Who upon the Guest does presume;

Wherefore stoppest thou me?

In the hall—look and see—

They’re marrying the Bride and the Groom!

The Guest heard the loud bassoon,

But was stuck with this grey-beard loon

Whose glittering eye

Made the Guest comply

And listen, like some dumb maroon.

The sweet life was coming along,

Like a heavenly angel’s song,

Or the sound of a flute;

But it all became moot

When I couldn’t deny what was wrong.

STAGE 2

An example of anger? I’ll try:

Well, this one time, the shit went awry,

And two hundred men,

Time and again,

Kept cursing me with their dead eye.

STAGE 3

Mariner, I fear thy eye,

But I’ll bargain to think death’s a lie;

Be calm, Wedding-Guest:

This is not just a test,

As you’ll see for yourself by and by.

STAGE 4

A weary time! How glazed each eye—

Perhaps even wanting to die;

Turning to drink,

Or consulting a shrink,

Or oftentimes wanting to cry.

STAGE 5

The moment that I could agree

That it’s over, then I could see

From a new point of view,

And the place where I grew

Hardly looked like mine own countree.

There’s this funny thing I go through:

I must tell some poor sucker doom’s true;

When his face I see,

I know who it will be,

And this time the sucker was you.

Having learned that the shit’s hit the fan,

The Guest had to change his life’s plan;

And he—stunned and forlorn—

Rose the morrow morn

A sadder and wiser man.