Limericks Update 11/16

These selected limericks were written since the last update (newest first).

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Come, Sweet Death

[Doomer Translation]

Benjamin the Donkey 2016

Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!

It’s over, whatever my quest;

Doom’s too much to digest

And I’m weary at best:

Come, oh come, peaceful rest!

Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!

Things are worse than I’d ever have guessed;

I’m extinction obsessed

And it makes me depressed—

Come, oh come, peaceful rest!

Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!

This is real, it’s not just a test: 

As doom has progressed,

Acceptance works best;

Come, oh come, peaceful rest!

Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!

To feel more and more distressed

Isn’t my last request

(If it’s yours, be my guest);

Come, oh come, peaceful rest!

Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!

We’ve covered the ground, I suggest:

If stuff’s not been addressed,

Tell me what’s unexpressed—

Come, oh come, peaceful rest!

Komm, süßer Tod

[Original German]

Johann Sebastian Bach, BWV 478

Komm, süßer Tod, komm selge Ruh!

Komm führe mich in Friede,

weil ich der Welt bin müde,

ach komm! ich wart auf dich,

komm bald und führe mich,

drück mir die Augen zu.

Komm, selge Ruh!

Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!

Im Himmel ist es besser,

da alle Lust viel größer,

drum bin ich jederzeit

schon zum Valet bereit,

ich schließ die Augen zu.

Komm, selge Ruh!

Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!

O Welt, du Marterkammer,

ach! bleib mit deinem Jammer

auf dieser Trauerwelt,

der Himmel mir gefällt,

der Tod bringt mich darzu.

Komm, selge Ruh!

Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!

O, dass ich doch schon wäre

dort bei der Engel Heere,

aus dieser schwarzen Welt

ins blaue Sternenzelt,

hin nach dem Himmel zu.

O: selge Ruh!

Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!

Ich will nun Jesum sehen

und bei den Engeln stehen.

Es ist nunmehr vollbracht,

drum, Welt, zu guter Nacht,

mein Augen sind schon zu.

Komm, selge Ruh!

==

Slacking Off

I’ve been slacking off, haven’t done squat:

I’m behind on chores, stay home a lot,

Eat and sleep as I feel,

Work on keeping it real—

It’s the end of the world—why not?

==

Doomer Desiderata

Go placidly amid the haste

And the noise when you start feeling spaced,

Because whether or not

You enjoy what you’ve got,

Soon it will all be erased.

Speak your truth if someone inquires—

Even dull and ignorant deniers;

They too have their story:

You’ll be their meat quarry

When trying to warn them backfires.

Inequality fucks with your head;

It’s a given, so try this instead:

Whoever you are—

A bum or a star—

We’ll be equal soon when we’re all dead.

Your achievements and plans full of wit

Won’t last much beyond your obit;

Changing fortunes of time

Mean we’ll soon turn to slime:

What you leave behind won’t be worth shit.

You’re a child of the universe no less

Than anything else in this mess,  

But it’s might that makes right,

The end’s not here—not quite,

So don’t count on nothing, I guess.

Maybe your life’s been a bust,

Which you don’t understand—you’re nonplussed!

But there’s no need for shame:

You were never to blame,

Because molecules move as they must.

It’s good that we’ve had this small chat

Before the whole shithouse goes splat;

Whatever you do,

We’re fucked through and through: 

Strive to be happy—good luck with that.

==

No Hopium Zone Thread

What if we had a colloquium

Which doesn’t allow any hopium?

Any found in this thread

Gets called out instead,

And suffers the utmost opprobrium.

==

Church of Goodbye

I believe in the Church of Goodbye:

It explains what’s come nigh—also why!

And for those who deny

What I spy with my eye,

They all should go eat shit and die.

==

How I Plan to Go

Non-doomers might think I’m a maniac

To think on the last time I’ll hit the sack:

I’ll skip the occasion

Of bad home invasion

By having a previous heart attack.

==

The Situation

Starvation, suicide, or predation

Are the choices, on careful mentation;

And if you still think

We’re not going extinct,

You don’t understand the situation.

==

Epitaph

Here lie the humans, now through;  

They just did what animals do

Ever since their debut—

Not too much, in review:

Get born and die, eat, shit, and screw.

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Wake and Bake

Each morning, as soon as I wake,

It seems normal is harder to fake;

Extinction’s ache

Is too hard to take,

And that’s why I wake and bake.

==  

Commiseration

It turns out the future is not-so-great,

But we can’t do a thing at this late date;

We must meet our fate

And there’s not long to wait:

The best we can do is commiserate.  ]

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What to Expect

Don’t forget that doom’s overall trend

Is downhill—every day we descend;

Things get more and more wrecked,

But that’s what to expect

When the world comes to an end.

==

We’ve Peaked

We’ve now reached the final frontier: 

That part where we all disappear;

As time keeps progressing,

Things get more depressing

Because it’s all downhill from here.

==

That Annoying “Hair on Fire” Phase

Once the news has your mind overturned,

You must tell folks who’re still unconcerned

Plus doomers (although

By that point they all know)

What you’ve only just recently learned.

==

Today Is Better Than Tomorrow

I wouldn’t beg steal or borrow

More time in this valley of sorrow:

Today’s bad enough,

Things keep getting more rough,

And they’ll probably be worse tomorrow.

==

That Period of Time

There’s a period of time which is rife

With all sorts of sorrow and strife

When you wish you’d have died

Yet you don’t suicide:

It’s that period of time we call “life.”

==

Morning

Each morning I wake up in bed

With just one idea in my head:

I can’t hardly wait

Till we get to the date 

Of the morning I’m waking up dead.

==

Misery

If life’s mostly hitting a wall

Of misery none can forestall, 

Aside from some drive

Of instinct to survive,

Why bother living at all?

==

Q&A

Once we know all our chances are blown

How should we face the unknown?

While awaiting our fate

We can still mitigate

Suffering, including our own.

==

COP21 REVIEW

Exercise has utility

For muscular capability:

But COP21

Will get nothing done—

It’s an exercise in futility.

Respond via Stage 2 and fume,

Or revisit Stage 4 and its gloom;

Either reaction

Can serve as distraction

From coming to terms with doom.

A meaningless communiqué,

But wine from a sommelier,

Repartee in Franglais,

The local ballet,

And cafes on the Champs-Elysees.

There’s no need for pique or dismay,

Whatever they do or don’t say;

We’re not going to get through

What’s about to ensue

‘Cause it’s now far too late anyway.

If ever you had any hope

That we’d beat extinction and cope,

Then Paris in France

Shows there isn’t a chance,

So we now know the answer is nope.

It’s over, hello termination,

Many thanks for your participation;

As reason departs,

Goodbye science and arts,

And good-bye civilization. 

==

Thanksgiving 2015

Let’s give thanks for every small boon

(Though doom’s somewhat inopportune),

And top off the list

With that we won’t exist,

And this shit will be all over soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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