These selected limericks were written since the last
update (newest first).
==
Come, Sweet Death
[Doomer Translation]
Benjamin the Donkey 2016
Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!
It’s over, whatever my quest;
Doom’s too much to digest
And I’m weary at best:
Come, oh come, peaceful rest!
Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!
Things are worse than I’d ever have guessed;
I’m extinction obsessed
And it makes me depressed—
Come, oh come, peaceful rest!
Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!
This is real, it’s not just a test:
As doom has progressed,
Acceptance works best;
Come, oh come, peaceful rest!
Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!
To feel more and more distressed
Isn’t my last request
(If it’s yours, be my guest);
Come, oh come, peaceful rest!
Come sweet death, come peaceful rest!
We’ve covered the ground, I suggest:
If stuff’s not been addressed,
Tell me what’s unexpressed—
Come, oh come, peaceful rest!
Komm, süßer Tod
[Original German]
Johann Sebastian Bach, BWV 478
Komm, süßer Tod, komm selge Ruh!
Komm führe mich in Friede,
weil ich der Welt bin müde,
ach komm! ich wart auf dich,
komm bald und führe mich,
drück mir die Augen zu.
Komm, selge Ruh!
Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!
Im Himmel ist es besser,
da alle Lust viel größer,
drum bin ich jederzeit
schon zum Valet bereit,
ich schließ die Augen zu.
Komm, selge Ruh!
Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!
O Welt, du Marterkammer,
ach! bleib mit deinem Jammer
auf dieser Trauerwelt,
der Himmel mir gefällt,
der Tod bringt mich darzu.
Komm, selge Ruh!
Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!
O, dass ich doch schon wäre
dort bei der Engel Heere,
aus dieser schwarzen Welt
ins blaue Sternenzelt,
hin nach dem Himmel zu.
O: selge Ruh!
Komm, süßer Tod, komm, selge Ruh!
Ich will nun Jesum sehen
und bei den Engeln stehen.
Es ist nunmehr vollbracht,
drum, Welt, zu guter Nacht,
mein Augen sind schon zu.
Komm, selge Ruh!
==
Slacking
Off
I’ve
been slacking off, haven’t done squat:
I’m
behind on chores, stay home a lot,
Eat and
sleep as I feel,
Work on
keeping it real—
It’s the
end of the world—why not?
==
Doomer Desiderata
Go
placidly amid the haste
And the
noise when you start feeling spaced,
Because
whether or not
You
enjoy what you’ve got,
Soon it
will all be erased.
Speak
your truth if someone inquires—
Even
dull and ignorant deniers;
They too
have their story:
You’ll
be their meat quarry
When
trying to warn them backfires.
Inequality
fucks with your head;
It’s a
given, so try this instead:
Whoever
you are—
A bum or
a star—
We’ll be
equal soon when we’re all dead.
Your
achievements and plans full of wit
Won’t
last much beyond your obit;
Changing
fortunes of time
Mean
we’ll soon turn to slime:
What you
leave behind won’t be worth shit.
You’re a
child of the universe no less
Than
anything else in this mess,
But it’s
might that makes right,
The
end’s not here—not quite,
So don’t
count on nothing, I guess.
Maybe
your life’s been a bust,
Which
you don’t understand—you’re nonplussed!
But
there’s no need for shame:
You were
never to blame,
Because
molecules move as they must.
It’s
good that we’ve had this small chat
Before
the whole shithouse goes splat;
Whatever
you do,
We’re
fucked through and through:
Strive
to be happy—good luck with that.
==
No
Hopium Zone Thread
What if
we had a colloquium
Which
doesn’t allow any hopium?
Any
found in this thread
Gets
called out instead,
And
suffers the utmost opprobrium.
==
Church of Goodbye
I believe in the
Church of Goodbye:
It explains what’s
come nigh—also why!
And for those who
deny
What I spy with my
eye,
They all should go
eat shit and die.
==
How I Plan to Go
Non-doomers might
think I’m a maniac
To think on the last
time I’ll hit the sack:
I’ll skip the
occasion
Of bad home invasion
By having a previous
heart attack.
==
The Situation
Starvation, suicide,
or predation
Are the choices, on
careful mentation;
And if you still
think
We’re not going
extinct,
You don’t understand
the situation.
==
Epitaph
Here lie the humans, now through;
They just did what animals do
Ever since their debut—
Not too much, in review:
Get born and die, eat, shit, and screw.
==
Wake and Bake
Each morning, as soon as I wake,
It seems normal is harder to fake;
Extinction’s ache
Is too hard to take,
And that’s why I wake and bake.
==
Commiseration
It turns out the future is
not-so-great,
But we can’t do a thing at this late
date;
We must meet our fate
And there’s not long to wait:
The best we can do is commiserate. ]
==
What to Expect
Don’t forget that doom’s overall trend
Is downhill—every day we descend;
Things get more and more wrecked,
But that’s what to
expect
When the world comes
to an end.
==
We’ve Peaked
We’ve now reached the final frontier:
That part where we all disappear;
As time keeps progressing,
Things get more depressing
Because it’s all downhill from here.
==
That Annoying “Hair on Fire” Phase
Once the news has your mind overturned,
You must tell folks who’re still
unconcerned
Plus doomers (although
By that point they all know)
What you’ve only just recently learned.
==
Today Is Better Than
Tomorrow
I wouldn’t beg steal
or borrow
More time in this
valley of sorrow:
Today’s bad enough,
Things keep getting
more rough,
And they’ll probably
be worse tomorrow.
==
That Period of Time
There’s a period of time which is rife
With all sorts of sorrow and strife
When you wish you’d have died
Yet you don’t suicide:
It’s that period of time we call “life.”
==
Morning
Each morning I wake
up in bed
With just one idea
in my head:
I can’t hardly wait
Till we get to the
date
Of the morning I’m
waking up dead.
==
Misery
If life’s mostly hitting a wall
Of misery none can forestall,
Aside from some drive
Of instinct to survive,
Why bother living at all?
==
Q&A
Once we know all our chances are blown
How should we face the unknown?
While awaiting our fate
We can still mitigate
Suffering, including our own.
==
COP21 REVIEW
Exercise has utility
For muscular
capability:
But COP21
Will get nothing
done—
It’s an exercise in
futility.
Respond via Stage 2
and fume,
Or revisit Stage 4
and its gloom;
Either reaction
Can serve as
distraction
From coming to terms
with doom.
A meaningless
communiqué,
But wine from a
sommelier,
Repartee in
Franglais,
The local ballet,
And cafes on the
Champs-Elysees.
There’s no need for
pique or dismay,
Whatever they do or
don’t say;
We’re not going to
get through
What’s about to
ensue
‘Cause it’s now far
too late anyway.
If ever you had any
hope
That we’d beat
extinction and cope,
Then Paris in France
Shows there isn’t a
chance,
So we now know the
answer is nope.
It’s over, hello
termination,
Many thanks for your
participation;
As reason departs,
Goodbye science and
arts,
And good-bye
civilization.
==
Thanksgiving 2015
Let’s give thanks for every small boon
(Though doom’s somewhat inopportune),
And top off the list
With that we won’t exist,
And this shit will be all over soon.
Happy Thanksgiving!
==
